The Strength I Found—And the Scars I Carried
Caregiving changed me.
There were moments I felt strong, clear-minded, and grounded.
There were also moments I felt overwhelmed, invisible, and tired.
People often saw the strength.
Few saw the cracks.
I Carried A Lot
I was the primary caregiver.
I handled the medical appointments, daily care, and made sure my dad was comfortable. I also made sure he understood his options and was involved in every decision about his condition. I took this responsibility seriously.
And maybe because I was doing a “good job,”
my mum and brother slowly assumed I could handle everything.
They forgot—I needed rest too.
There were times I had emotional outbursts.
Not because I didn’t love my family,
but because I felt taken for granted.
Eventually, I spoke up. I told them what I needed.
That honesty brought us closer.
It made me a better caregiver too.
The Support That Helped
I had friends who didn’t try to give advice or solutions.
They simply spent time with me. Casual catch-ups, walks, or a quiet meal.
No heavy talks, no pressure. Just being there.
That was exactly what I needed—someone to sit beside me when I didn’t have the words.
Sometimes, what is not spoken is still deeply felt.
Moments of Growth
There were emergency moments too—like when Dad suddenly developed epilepsy.
The first time it happened, none of us knew what to do.
Mum was terrified. We all were.
But I learned quickly. I asked questions. I watched how the medics handled it.
The next time it happened, I knew what to do.
And in that moment, I felt proud of myself.
Emotions and the Body
I often reflect on how my dad’s cancer developed.
No one knows the exact cause. But from a TCM perspective, emotions affect the body.
Dad had held onto a lot of emotions—anger, stress, sadness.
He had unresolved tension with his mum, and even with his boss.
These unspoken emotions might have affected his organs and health.
It reminded me:
We must learn to take care of our emotions, just like we care for our body.
Because emotions, too, leave traces.
Healing, Not Just Surviving
One of the most touching moments was seeing my dad ask for his eldest sister.
He asked, “Am I really our mum’s child?”
That question carried so much emotion.
She comforted him. They talked—sometimes about different things—but they both felt heard, seen, and loved. That’s all that mattered.
A Gentle Ending
In his final days, we celebrated his last birthday quietly at home.
A small cake. Close friends.
Just simple joy.
Even his oncologist came to visit (not during the birthday party) —outside of clinic hours.
That kind of gesture is rare. And it meant so much to us.
The Journey Changed Me
Being a caregiver left its mark on me.
Not just fatigue or tears—but growth, clarity, and love.
This journey reminded me that while I was taking care of my dad,
I needed to take care of myself too.
And now, years later, I continue to share these lessons.
Not because I have all the answers—
but because someone out there may need to hear,
“You’re not alone.”
I strongly believe caregivers need to practice self-care to provide better care.
Thank you for journeying with me through these reflections.
May we all find strength in the simple, small moments.
And may we learn to care for others—without forgetting to care for ourselves.